Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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