At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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