I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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