As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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