Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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