i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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