shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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