I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
