Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
