Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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