Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
