I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
