Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
