And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
