is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
