Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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