im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
