That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
