if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that's an acceptable place to lick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
