And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
