honey bunches of taint.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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