Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
