Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
