Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
