whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
