Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
