i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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