I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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