guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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