You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I looked at my own cervix.
i think i have two assholes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
