Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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