so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
