I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
