I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
