Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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