How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ttyl tear gas
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
