I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize