How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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