D3 body, D1 cock
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
