Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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