for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
