I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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