you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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