Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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