I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
