I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
