so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
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I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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