You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
