you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sarcasm needs its own font
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
