Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
