you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
