i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
