I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
