The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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