I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
