It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
