i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
