Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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