still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
