today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
