I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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