I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
