Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
