I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
