Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
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