I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
