your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
