Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I understand Curling. That high.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
