absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
