Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
