I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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