Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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