Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
