We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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