So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
