Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
