Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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