More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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