that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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